Why Write “Boys Need Love Too”?

I’ve had a growing conflict between how I express myself and the culture around mixed-gender relationships. There are so many insecurity-driven rules that people fall into. No double texting, no quick answers, waiting for the other person to text first, keeping answers short, flat out not responding is now a thing, and holding back compliments on how the other looks. To me, that’s middle-school-level immaturity.  

That culture makes it hard to find friends as an adult. I try not to live by those rules, but most people do, and sometimes it’s hard not to feel like the relationship is one-sided. If I want to be your friend, I should show that I like you. I’m going to give you my attention and ask about you. I’m going to give a genuine answer and invest in you. My friends, I want them to feel good! If I think you look handsome or cute, I should be able to say so. If I admire something in your character, I should say so. Eventually, you will lose that mom or teacher who told you truths to reassure your value. And if your own friends are scared to do that for you, you will be fully reliant on your own self-confidence. It’s good to have self-confidence, but to be affirmed in it never hurts. 

This kindness is something that diminishes in children as they grow up. Kids don’t care if you're a guy or a girl. I’ve seen two little boys hold each other’s hands! Kids will kiss their baby siblings, and it will be cute. But when they're older, it’s weird or gay or too much. I hate the idea that you age out of a certain type of love. I understand those actions may become less natural as people age, but to look down on them, I think, is a huge reason why our society has so many relationship issues. 

I’ve had male friends tell me that they wish they got complimented as much as girls. They wish girls would talk to them like they had deeper feelings and know that they like flowers too. That most men don’t receive flowers until their funeral.

Quite often now, if you get attention from the opposite sex, they’re automatically seen as a potential lover. When I try to make friends, my attention is often seen as flirtatious or maybe as a talking stage, and my physical affection is seen as wanting or asking for something romantic. It’s so sad and aggravating, the sexualization of what were once innocent actions.

How am I supposed to make friends with you if I can’t show I like you?

I heard someone once say that his goal was to leave people more loved than when he found them. I try to adopt that mindset, and I think I naturally strive for that, but I like putting it into simple terms.

So with this series of writings, “Boys Need Love Too”, I hope to do just that. These are words to be heard, not lost in a deep sea of anxiety. I hope my openness encourages you to be less scared, too.

Photo by Saiph Muhammad on Unsplash